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Rufus
Intro
Phew... Man, why they gotta have these fighting tournaments out in the boonies, anyways? At this rate, I'll get so much exercise just getting there that I'll end up losing weight and end up lookin' like some kinda wimp. Ha ha! Hey! You know, I bet that jerk is behind all this. It's some kinda conspiracy! And speakin' of you-know-who, another one of his look-alikes tried to step up to me the other day. Just how low is he willin' to sink, anyways? I mean, how can they just call him the number one fighter in America!? Just thinkin' about it makes my blood boil. I'm number one around here! I've got too much class to brag like that, though. It's you, Candy. With you around, honeypants, I let my mouth run off and maybe I say too much sometimes. Oh, don't look at me like that, baby. You'll get my hands sweatin' an' I'll end up losin' control of this here bike. You're the best girl in America, toots... Nah, in the world... Screw that! You're the best in the freakin' universe! If I had to sum you up in just one word, I'd say you're superhotfansexygorgeoustastic, I would! Whaddya say we pit-stop for lunch at the next place? Come to think of it, I'm not really seein' any restaurants around here. I don't think I've seen a single friggin' building today, actually. Man, we must really be in the middle of friggin' nowhere. I mean, the gas station attendant was pretty clear, right? I mean, he said go straight till the intersection, then turn where the white dog is sittin'. Right? But the dog was just, like, takin' a catnap in the middle of the road. How was I s'pposed to know which way to go? And who ever heard of a dog that sleeps flat on its back like that, anyway? That musta been Ken Masters! He totally knew I would whip his butt in the tournament, so he tried to sabotage me! Oh, you'll rue this day, Ken Masters! RUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
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